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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23481082">Foundling</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/IntoTheRiverStyx/pseuds/IntoTheRiverStyx'>IntoTheRiverStyx</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Requests/challenges/etc [12]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Arthurian Mythology</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 08:02:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,563</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23481082</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/IntoTheRiverStyx/pseuds/IntoTheRiverStyx</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There are few of them, and billions of people in the world. Tracking down their fellow reincarnated Knights and, hopefully, their King was already an arduous task.</p><p>It doesn't help they're <i>extremely</i> distractible.</p><p>Based on the Server's "we found a cult" incident.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bedivere/Kay (Arthurian)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Requests/challenges/etc [12]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1673452</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They'd only been back, together, for a month, two at most. Everything was chaos with little bits of hope they could make some progress at finding any of the others.</p>
<p>For some reason, they'd decided Dinadan's studio apartment was to be their regular meeting place.</p>
<p>It had less to do with space and more to do with Dinadan being the least possessive of his stuff should a scuffle break out and break things before it deescalated. </p>
<p>Everyone had crammed into the apartment for the evening, so bent on figuring out whether or not their King had returned or of this was a fluke that old grudges were, for the most part, ignored.</p>
<p>“What have we exhausted so far?” Bedivere asked the group.</p>
<p>“Exhausted?” Lancelot asked, “Nothing's been exhausted.”</p>
<p>“Except maybe me,” Agrivane grumbled.</p>
<p>“Oh hush, you're still young,” Dinadan chucked a throw pillow at Agrivane.</p>
<p>“But so far what we've <i>looked into</i>,” Lancelot ignored Agrivane's surprised yelp, “white pages, yellow pages, Facebook groups both public and private.” He pointedly left 4Chan off the list, not wanting to revisit that even in passing.</p>
<p>“So no religious movements or cults or anything,” Kay said from the kitchen, “Also, Dinadan, you're out of garlic.”</p>
<p>“How the hell am I out of garlic?” Dinadan stood up to go investigate, “I bought, like, five <i>heads</i> of garlic less than a week ago.”</p>
<p>“You're out of garlic,” Kay repeated, “and unless you lot suddenly develop a taste for something other than pasta you are going to continue to run out of garlic.”</p>
<p>“Kay,” Bedivere warned.</p>
<p>“Oh shit I am out of garlic,” Dinadan said.</p>
<p>“What did I just say twice?” Kay snapped.</p>
<p>“<i>Kay,</i>” Bedivere repeated,a  little more stern.</p>
<p>“Oh, hey, guys!” Lancelot nearly dropped his laptop, “I found a cult.”</p>
<p>“You what?” Kay poked his head into the main part of the studio, “Where?”</p>
<p>“Online,” Lancelot said in earnest.</p>
<p>“No shit,” Kay rolled his eyes and went back to cooking.</p>
<p>“Send me the link,” Agrivane told him.</p>
<p>“Send all of us the link,” Dinadan said.</p>
<p>“Already on it,” Lancelot told them.</p>
<p>“Bedivere, take over will you?” Kay asked, “I'm curious.”</p>
<p>“Like I'm not,” Bedivere muttered.</p>
<p>He was already on his feet and headed towards the kitchen.</p>
<p>“Five minutes on the pasta, four on the chicken. Sauces are done, just being warmed,” Kay told him, “Thanks love.”</p>
<p>“Every now and then you show the rest of us you're capable of affection and it's terrifying,” Agrivane informed him.</p>
<p>“Oh holy shit this is <i>old</i>!” Kay said as he pulled the site up on his phone, ignoring Agrivane, “Like, probably close to twenty years old. And run by people who go by Gawain and Tristan.”</p>
<p>“I refuse to believe either of them would learn to build a website,” Agrivane had the site pulled up as well, “Wow, that's. Wow.”</p>
<p>“Hold up,” Dinadan said as he started his desktop, “I want in on this, too.”</p>
<p>“Duke Gawain Ravenshadow,” Lancelot read the name out, “That is absolutely a title he would give himself.”</p>
<p>“No it isn't,” Kay argued, “He'd go higher than Duke.”</p>
<p>Agrivane snorted a laugh.</p>
<p>“Wow, there's a while list,” Dinadan said, “of members, but also of suggested readings.”</p>
<p>“Where?” Agrivane asked. Lancelot leaned over to help guide him through the menus.</p>
<p>“Enter, scroll down a bit,” Lancelot told him, “Nope, back up a touch. Yeah, there.”</p>
<p>“Seems Pagan,” Agrivane assessed immediately, “Like, hella pagan.”</p>
<p>“But it also seems like they're trying not to be Pagan,” Kay frowned.</p>
<p>“Remember, honey, the nineties were a little weird,” Bedivere called from the kitchen, “Might as well have just thrown the entire dictionary out the window as soon as the Internet started making its way into everyone's homes.”</p>
<p>“Yeet,” Dinadan said under his breath.</p>
<p>“And no one bothered to pick one up again,” Lancelot muttered.</p>
<p>Agrivane chucked the throw pillow at Lancelot.</p>
<p>“Hey!” Lancelot managed to deflect it, “Do that again and I'm not going to help you through the click paths next time.”</p>
<p>“You will if I pout,” Agrivane challenged him.</p>
<p>“Please,” Kay cut them both off, “We've just found a cult we don't need you both crying at each other.”</p>
<p>“Kay!” Bedivere warned Kay again, “Be nice or I'm adding pre-shredded cheese to the alfredo.”</p>
<p><b>“You would never!”</b> Kay was already in the fridge, removing all the bags of cheese Dinadan kept for everyone who wasn't Kay.</p>
<p>Percival and Galahad let themselves in.</p>
<p>“Hey guys,” Percival greeted everyone, then noticed how charged the studio's energy was, “Uh. What did I miss.”</p>
<p>“Bedivere threatened to put shredded cheese in the sauce,” Kay informed him, “Hide these.” Kay shoved the cheeses at Percival. Galahad grabbed them, opened one, and took a handful of cheese as a snack.</p>
<p>Kay gave him a <i>why the fuck</i> look but did not voice the question.</p>
<p>“Also, we found a cult,” Lancelot told them.</p>
<p>“You what?” Galahad had is mouth full, “Perc, help me here.”</p>
<p>“With the cheese or the cult?” Percival asked, “Also, we're ten minutes late and you guys joined a cult?”</p>
<p>“Both?” Galahad said, but it sounded more like <i>boff?</i></p>
<p>“I <i>found</i> a cult,” Lancelot said, “Not founded. Found. Definitely not joined.”</p>
<p>“Where?” Percival asked.</p>
<p>“Online,” Lancelot told him.</p>
<p>Galahad smacked the hell of his palm against his forehead.</p>
<p>“Link's in the group chat,” Agrivane told them, “So far we've  really only got that the site's run by two people named Gawain and Tristan, the site itself hasn't been updated in probably around twenty years, it's probably Pagan, and that Bedivere says Kay has to be nicer to us.”</p>
<p>“This is what the cheese is about, isn't it?” Galahad held up the bag. Bedivere nodded, aware Galahad could see him but Kay could not.</p>
<p>“<i>'It is not necessary to renounce Witchcraft to become a Champion of the Order'</i>” Percival read out, “Well, good, if they're Pagan.”</p>
<p>“Witchcraft and Paganism are two separate things,” Galahad pointed out.</p>
<p>“Nerd,” Agrivane teased.</p>
<p>Lancelot chucked the pillow back at Agrivane.</p>
<p>“I have more throw pillows,” Dinadan offered.</p>
<p>“What you all really need to do,” Bedivere poled his head out of the kitchen for a moment, “is find a threat that <i>works</i> but won't harm anyone if you need to follow through.”</p>
<p>“If that's the one for minor jabs what happens when he's actually mean?” Agrivane asked.</p>
<p>“Kay, may I?” Bedivere asked.</p>
<p>“Sure,” Kay grumbled, but there was a grin tugging at one corner of his mouth.</p>
<p>“I once told him I'd use canned chicken for chicken salad if he kept snapping at me over holiday decorations,” Bedivere told everyone, “It was the worst thing I've ever eaten, but I did it.”</p>
<p>“That's a power move,” Dinadan said.</p>
<p>“I learned things about both of us,” Kay shook his head and then changed the subject, “Also, looks like they try to say they're also not pagan in one place but immediately forgot what they said pretty much everywhere else.”</p>
<p>“So,” Percival was more than happy to go with the change of subject, “I'm looking at their codes of chivalry and it looks like they're more focused on magic than one would think a <i>chivalric order</i> would be, but there's no hint at what magic actually is?”</p>
<p>“I'm getting Gardnenian vibes,” Galahad was reading over Percival's shoulder.</p>
<p>“Is there any sort of Grail Tradition?” Agrivane asked.</p>
<p>“I mean, kind of?” Galahad questioned more than said, “It's not its own separate thing but it's under Dion Fortune's tradition.”</p>
<p>“Of course you know this,” Agrivane wasn't the least bit surprised.</p>
<p>“I have to use my degree for <i>something</i>,” Galahad said, “I didn't spend seven years getting a masters in what basically amounts to world religion to not try to track down the rest of you.”</p>
<p>Nobody mentioned it was Agrivane and Lancelot who had first managed to track each other down.</p>
<p>“Dinner!” Bedivere called, “Everyone put your cults in sleep mode of locked mode and we can continue after we eat.”</p>
<p>Kay eyes the open bags of cheese with increasing suspicion. He should have just held onto them.</p>
<p>There was as much of a rush to the kitchen doorframe as there could be in such a tiny space, hungry Knights who also wanted to get back to this cult thing as soon as possible.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Maps</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Our heroes, briefly, determine the direction they're taking this takeover.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Dinner was delicious,” Galahad said as he started collecting bowls,” thank you.”</p>
<p>“Just because dinner's over doesn't mean you get a free pass to be mean,” Bedivere informed Kay.</p>
<p>Kay grumbled but was smiling.</p>
<p>The smile unsettled the rest of the room, to varying degrees.</p>
<p>“So about this cult,” DInadan said as he handed his bowl to Galahad, “I think we should make it our own.”</p>
<p>“Instead of just starting a new one?” Kay asked.</p>
<p>“They already have, like,” Dinadan tried to count the number of document links but gave up, “a lot of resources and stuff. We wouldn’t have to build a library from scratch.”</p>
<p>“Pretty sure we’d still have to build a library from scratch,” Agrivane pointed out.</p>
<p>“Still,” Dinadan pressed on, “we should take it over.”</p>
<p>“They already have a Percival,” Percival had the site up already, “If there’s no other reason we should take over the cult is because their Percival has the audacity to go by <i>Percival the True.</i>”</p>
<p>“More like Percival the False,” Dinadan started waking his desktop up, “You could take him.”</p>
<p>“Where are they even located?” Kay asked, “Also, honey, are you really doing the dishes?”</p>
<p>“Go play with your cult,” Bedivere kissed him on the forehead, “I'll clean.”</p>
<p>Kay hesitated and moved to get up. Bedivere placed a hand on Kay's shoulder and kept him seated.</p>
<p>“I will tie you to this chair,” Bedivere warned.</p>
<p>“Somehow not a threat,” Kay said absently.</p>
<p>“Not in front of the children!” Dinadan warned the both of them.</p>
<p>“Not a child!” Percival protested.</p>
<p>“More than willing to be a child if I don't have to hear that,” Galahad was quick to say.</p>
<p>“They say the Grail was a metaphor,” it was the meanest tone anyone had ever heard Percival take, this life or the first one, “Yeah. We could do better.”</p>
<p>“Not looking good for their library,” Dinadan whistled.</p>
<p>“Who else has tried to assert authority over the Grail?” Percival asked, “Across time and space.”</p>
<p>“Probably the Knights Templar,” Lancelot was barely paying attention, “We should take them out, too, for good measure.”</p>
<p>“Good news,” Kay moved back to sit just outside the kitchen, “is someone's already done that and the entire legend of Friday the thirteenth was based on that whole snafu.”</p>
<p>“An entire religious order gets taken out and you call it a snafu,” Galahad couldn't decide to laugh or scream.</p>
<p>“What?” Lancelot looked up.</p>
<p>“<i>At dawn on Friday the thirteenth of October in thirteen-oh-seven, King Phillip the fifth ordered the arrest of the French Templars,</i>” Kay had started reading verbatim but ended with pharaphrasing, “So, you're good. No more Templars.”</p>
<p>“Wasn't there a move about them not really ending?” Percival asked.</p>
<p>“There's a lot of movies about them not really ending,” Galahad sighed, “Trust me. Just. Trust me.”</p>
<p>“That bad?” Percival asked. Galahad nodded.</p>
<p>“They call Arthur the <i>Divine sun child</i>” Dinadan read out, “That's. What the fuck?”</p>
<p>“Can't even give that one to Gawain,” Agrivane muttered.</p>
<p>“Fairly common in neopagan revivals,” Kay said, “Gawain would be more of a Green Man figure.”</p>
<p>“This cult tries to give that to Arthur, too,” Dinadan said.</p>
<p>“They also called the Grail a metaphor,” Percival was still a bit beyond upset over that, “They have no authority.”</p>
<p>“There's maps,” Lancelot said, “Crudely drawn maps, but maps.”</p>
<p>“My time to shine,” Kay said.</p>
<p>“Oh no,” Bedivere's horrified utterance came from the kitchen.</p>
<p>“I'm reading them, not drawing them!” Kay tried to defend himself, “Oh, wow, yeah, okay, these are bad. Honey, can I use your laptop?”</p>
<p>“Only if you don't lock me out,” Bedivere told him.</p>
<p>“Once!” Kay balked, “Once!”</p>
<p>Percival handed Kay Bedivere's bag. Kay offered a nod of thanks before digging into the thing to fish out the machine in question.</p>
<p>The maps, somehow, made this undertaking all the more real.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Take Him Out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Adventures with the Foundling Cult press on</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>While Kay was switching between his phone and Bedivere's laptop to try to make sense of the maps, Lancelot was trying to see if he could find any of the cult's newsletter archives.</p>
<p>“Nothing,” Lancelot slammed his hand on the keyboard, “It looks like they're supposed to have years worth of newsletters, but there's <i>nothing!</i>”</p>
<p>“Sounds like there was a server shift at some point,” Dinadan said, “and they'd already abandoned site so any externally hosted documents were lost.”</p>
<p>“Use normal people words!” Agrivane told him.</p>
<p>“The site's abandoned,” Dinadan's voice was deliberately flat, “and as a result the newsletters went poof.”</p>
<p>“See, that,” Agrivane looked up at Dinadan from where he was sprawled on the floor, “that I understood.”</p>
<p>“Have you tried the Way Back Machine?” Kay ignored the banter.</p>
<p>“I FORGOT ABOUT THAT!” Lancelot exclaimed.</p>
<p>“Annnnnd he's gone,” Galahad watched his father shift into hyperfocused mode, “We;ll hear from him again when he's found something.”</p>
<p>“Their founder is someone named <i>Artus de Troyes</i>,” Percival read out, “What the fuck?”</p>
<p>“Troyes,” Dinadan sputtered, “Of fucking course.”</p>
<p>“At least it's not White,” Galahad said.</p>
<p>“Fuck White,” Agrivane bristled.</p>
<p>“Do <b>not</b> fuck White!” Bedivere called from the kitchen, “That's how you make more.”</p>
<p>“Ew,” Percival frowned.</p>
<p>“Also,” Bedivere stopped washing dished long enough to look around, “I just want you all to know this is the fantastic representation of the <i>can't even sit straight</i> jokes.”</p>
<p>“Huh,” Galahad looked around the room, “Yeah, there's one person sitting like you're supposed to and it's not even the one guy in a chair.”</p>
<p>Dinadan had the heel of his left foot on the seat of the chair and was reaching around his leg to type.</p>
<p>“Floor sitter,” Kay pointed to himself, “doesn't know what a chair is for, floor sprawler, sitting on the back of the couch, somehow perched on the impossibly small entry table,” he pointed to Dinadan, Agrivane, Percival, and Galahad in turn.</p>
<p>“What would Bedivere be then?” Dinadan asked.</p>
<p>“Right now the only actual adult in the room,” Kay craned his neck backwards to look at his partner, “I'm just riding your coattails.”</p>
<p>“Filed away for later,” Bedivere's voice was sing-song, “Lance is...he's sitting straight enough.”</p>
<p>“Sitting like a repressed Catholic,” Galahad corrected.</p>
<p>“Gal!” Percival exclaimed.</p>
<p>“Trust me,” Galahad was staring at Lancelot, “he can't hear any of this.”</p>
<p>“FOUND ONE!” Lancelot exclaimed.</p>
<p>“See?” Galahad whispered.</p>
<p>“It's from nineteen ninety-nine,” Lancelot said, “But the Way Back Machine found it!”</p>
<p>“Are you petting your laptop?” Dinadan asked.</p>
<p>“I just love the Way Back Machine so much,” Lancelot said, “Oh, hey, looks like they also have a Galahad among their ranks. And yep, Sir Percival the True.”</p>
<p>“Among a number of others,” Dinadan had managed to lean from his desk to over the arm of the couch to read over Lancelot's shoulder, “Mordred, Owain, Tristan, Isolde, and Bors.”</p>
<p>“If this was a desperate attempt to assemble from before I was even born,” Galahad said, “then there's some serious identity theft going on.”</p>
<p>“Percival the false,” Percival muttered, “I'll take him down.”</p>
<p>“Kay, any progress on the maps?” Lancelot asked.</p>
<p>“They're either in the Twin Cities, Chicago, or Gary, Indiana,” Kay said, “Why?”</p>
<p>“Because apparently their Gawain moved from what they're calling the City of Axeford, Falconbridgeshire to the City of Wolverton, Wolfwoodshire.”</p>
<p>“I hope its the Twin Cities,” Percival said.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah, you're originally from there, aren't you?” Dinadan had returned to the chair he was using.</p>
<p>“That,” Percival nodded, “and the only things between Chicago and Gary, Indiana is death and rebirth and maybe a Seven-Eleven,” he paused, “Yeah, I can go to the Twin Cities to try to find my name thief.”</p>
<p>“Look at Percival voluntering to go find something religious,” Kay pointed out more than said.</p>
<p>“WAIT!” Lancelot exclaimed.</p>
<p>“MAYBE DON'T SEND PERCIVAL ON A RELIGIOUS QUEST!” Dinadan didn't know why he was yelling, but it was fun.</p>
<p>“Maybe anyone but Percival or myself,” Galahad took his name out of the running early.</p>
<p>“Oh look,” Lancelot was already back to the newsletter, “their Tristan and Isolde got divorced.”</p>
<p>“The cycle goes back around,” Kay said.</p>
<p><i>“Nice!”</i> Bedivere hissed.</p>
<p>“That was nice!” Kay groaned, “How much nicer do you want me to be??”</p>
<p>'”If you hover over the images on their members page, you can see their actual names,” Dinadan informed everyone.</p>
<p>“One step closer!” Percival exclaimed.</p>
<p>“Oh no,” Galahad said under his breath.</p>
<p>“Their Percival sounds like a nudist,” Percival was mostly focused on one cult member, “That's just. No.”</p>
<p>“Perc,” Bedivere shut off the water, “Percival. Mate. Buddy. You've been to war.”</p>
<p>“Post-battle nudity and causal nudity are different,” Percival argued, “But more than that, why would put <i>put that on the Internet!?</i>”</p>
<p>“The nineties were...different,” Kay tried to find a better descriptor as Bedivere turned the water back on, “No one knew how all-knowing it would become or how privacy would disappear altogether.”</p>
<p>“Sire Percival the True, Knight-Chaplain and Baron of Northmarche, would rather pose naked,” Lancelot read it out loud, “Unfortunately he decided to hide behind a black robe for the sake of decorum. Sir Percival now lives in Wolfwoodshire.”</p>
<p>“That makes the whole group sound like nudists,” Galahad said, “Kay?”</p>
<p>“Stilllll narrowing it down,” Kay said, “but it's looking more and more like Chicago.”</p>
<p>“We can make a better cult,” Dinadan said.</p>
<p>“There can only be one,” Percival said.</p>
<p>“Pretty sure that's not how cults work?” Agrivane asked, “Galahad? Is that how cults work?”</p>
<p>“No matter what I say I'm all but certain Percival's going to lead the charge to take over their mantle,” Galahad shook his head.</p>
<p>“Between Chicago and Gary, Indiana isn't a terribly area to search,” Dinadan said, “Like, smaller than the California coastline.”</p>
<p>“Any American coastline is smaller than California,” Kay pointed out, “Also, even if we could find them, how are we going to take it over?”</p>
<p>“By force!” Percival suggested.</p>
<p>“I have swords!” Kay was always down to start a brawl.</p>
<p>“We have swords,” Bedivere reminded him, “Which, pretty sure you need a permit.”</p>
<p>“We can hammer out the details later,” Kay dismissed the permit comment, “The cult is aged and unattended. We can take it out easy.”</p>
<p>“It needs younger leadership,” Percival agreed.</p>
<p>“Are we really going to just steal their mantle and run off?” Galahad asked.</p>
<p>“Drive off,” Agrivane said.</p>
<p>“Depends on if we commit the theft and probably murder during rush hour,” Kay said.</p>
<p>“Oh my god,” Bedivere groaned.</p>
<p>“I can have coffee with Sir Percival the False,” Percival was spitballing, “Lure him into a sense of security before I take him out.”</p>
<p>“Just last week we were all debating getting Knighted by mail,” Bedivere shut the water off again.</p>
<p>“Knights of the Arthurian Cult of Sealand has a nice ring to it,” Kay argued, “Also, their documents and their maps are...off.”</p>
<p>“Oh no,” Percival's face fell.</p>
<p>“Oh, no, the part that actually has roads seems to be as close to a one-to-one map as anything they drew,” Kay said, “But uh. Their idea of where the Mississippi is and where the Mississippi actuall is is uh. It's something.”</p>
<p>“Looks like they just threw darts at a map and decided that was the river,” Agrivane had the map pulled up already, “Wow, they elected someone who was horrible at both darts and geography.”</p>
<p>“This was, like, the nineties,” Lancelot said, “Maybe the eighties. What else were they going to do?”</p>
<p>“Drugs,” Kay suggested.</p>
<p>“Kay!” Bedivere was drying the dishes, “Don't encourage that!”</p>
<p>“Stating, not encouraging!” Kay counteder</p>
<p>“What the hell type of life did you two <i>lead?</i>” Galahad asked.</p>
<p>“One with a lot of parallels despite being lived separately,” Bedivere said.</p>
<p>“Oh man,” Lancelot's eyes were wide, <b>”Oh MAN.”</b></p>
<p>Everyone else froze, waiting to see what Lancelot had found.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Side Quest: McCarthyism</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Senator McCarthy is dead so that sucks for Senator McCarthy</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lancelot took a deep breath before he started reading directly off his screen.</p><p><i>“We, Adherents of the Mailed Fist, acknowledge that secrecy was once necessary to protect the Faithful Knight of the Round Table from the persecution of the outside world. Secrecy protected us from the Inquisition. Secrecy protected us from the Inquisition. Secrecy protected us from the Witch Hunts of Europe. Secrecy protected us from the House of Un-American Activities Committee. Secrecy has served us well,”</i> He took another deep breath before he continued.</p><p><i>“But the time for that secrecy is at an end. The United States Supreme Court has extended Constitutional protection to its various Pagan religions,”</i> he paused to keep from laughing, <i>“Our Order would enjoy the same legal protection, so secrecy is no longer necessary.”</i></p><p>“Arthur would flip,” Kay said before he burst out laughing.</p><p>“Now I'm kind of hoping it <i>is</i> in Gary,” Bedivere said, “Gary, Indiana, is all of England.”</p><p>“Wait there's more,” Lancelot started laughing as soon as Kay had, <i>“Excerpted from a Letter read at the Round Table Gathering, January AG fourteen-eighty-seven.”</i></p><p>“ARTHURIAN IDENTITY THIEVES WERE ONCE BURNED AT THE STAKE BUT THIS IS AMERICA WE'RE FREE NOW!” Agrivane was <i>howling</i>.</p><p>“We are solidly into McCarthyism territory now,” Kay said, “Modern American History gifted us that passage.”</p><p>“The what?” Galahad asked.</p><p>“Oh man,” Kay tried to reel his laughter in enough to explain McCarthyism, “Basically, super anti-Communist initiative headed by Senator McCarthy.”</p><p>“But also anti-rock music,” Percival added.</p><p>“It wound up touching everything from art to music to film to speech,” Kay agreed with Percival's edition, “A primer in making Free Speech punishable by law again.”</p><p>“Wait,” Lancelot cut them off, “There's more about the Knights Templar.”</p><p>Everyone waited as Lancelot tried to take in enough air to read the next bit aloud.</p><p>“The Order was finally suppressed with cruelty, and their Grand Master, Jacques de Molay, was burned at the stake in 1314. Much of the Order's wealth was transferred to the Knights of St. John, also known as the Knights Hospitalers. Not surprisingly, a lot of the wealth also went to King Philip IV of France. Thus ended two centuries of power. Or did it?” Lancelot took another breath, “By the way, our Order does not claim to have any object known as the One True Grail, be it the cup of Christ or otherwise. The Grail is a mystical object which simultaneously occupies many dimensions and realities, and as such does not exist in any one physical form.”</p><p>“Doesn't exist in one physical form my ass,” Percival cried.</p><p>“The first person to get Percival to curse and we don't even know if it's Gawain or not!” Agrivane was palpably disappointed.</p><p>“Or did it,” Kay hadn't really stopped laughing, “OR DID IT.”</p><p>“Two centuries of power just disappeared,” Dinadan really threw himself into making it sound as dramatic as possible, “And Senator McCarthy is dead so that sucks for Senator McCarthy.”</p><p>“But really is a boon for the rest of us,” Bedivere was almost finished putting the dishes away.</p><p>“WAIT!” Lancelot nearly dropped his laptop, “After long debate and many hard feelings, Sir Galahalt le Vigoureux, Pendragon of the Order, issued a proclamation that those who wished to remain Christian might maintain their membership in the Order of the Holy Grail, but those who wished to be Pagan must leave and join Peredura's Order, which she named the Holy Order of the Faithful Knights of the Round Table, in honor of the First Questors of the Grail -- even if those questing knights were only literary figures.”</p><p>“What?” Galahad asked.</p><p>“Their Galehaut became Christian,” Lancelot shut his laptop and put it on the floor to keep from dropping it, “Oh shit.”</p><p>“Uh,” Agrivane rolled out of the way in case Lancelot decided he, too, needed to be on the floor.</p><p>“Sir Galehaut the Vigorous. Has. Become. Christian,” Lancelot was doubled over from laughing, tears in his eyes,.</p><p>“Vigorous,” Kay said, both to make sure he'd heard that right and to see what would happen.</p><p>“Kay,” Bedivere whispered, but he was biting his lip to keep from giggling.</p><p>“I need a minute,” Lancelot was indeed on the floor, “Or five.”</p><p>“Take, like, fifteen,” Galahad was caught between disappointment and amusement.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Branches of the Synonym Tree</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Reach out and...well, let's just start by reaching out, eh?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Okay,” Lancelot hauled himself back onto the couch, “Okay, I'm okay,” he opened his laptop, “Of shit they have a Doomsday Scroll!”</p>
<p>“I am both amazed and horrified by how quickly you pivot,” Galahad informed him.</p>
<p>“WAIT THE FUCKING KNIGHTS HOSPITALIER!” Dinadan backtracked a few steps, “THE KNIGHTS OF ST FUCKING JOHN WHAT THE FUCKETING FUCKING FUCK!?! THOSE ARE THE BAD GUYS FROM LYMOND CHRONICLES!!”</p>
<p>“Double identity theft,” Percival decided.</p>
<p>“I think they mean <i>Doomsday Scroll</i> like the Doomsday book which was the big census of Britain,” Percival pointed out, “not like, the end of the world.”</p>
<p>“What?” Lancelot actually broke his staring contest with his laptop to look at Percival, “Well that's just disappointing.”</p>
<p>“yeah, William the Conqueror took a big census in 1000 something or other,” he couldn't recall the exact date and didn't feel like looking it up.”</p>
<p>“You know,” Agrivane pointed out, “we could always just email them and see if they'll just <i>tell us</i> where they live.”</p>
<p>“They have a yahoo email,” Kay said, “So it's probably dead.”</p>
<p>“What?” Dinidan asked, “No, why? Why would you think that?”</p>
<p>“Yahoo did a huge purge on inactive emails a few years back,” Kay explained, “Assuming the email is as dead as the site updates, it's gone.”</p>
<p>“At least it's not hotmail,” Bedivere said.</p>
<p>“I HAVE A HOTMAIL!” Percival shouted.</p>
<p>“SO DOES THIS GAWAIN FELLOW!” Lancelot whooped, “I'm going to try to send him an email.”</p>
<p>“Oh gods,” Bedivere sat down between Kay and the wall to keep the kitchen doorway unobstructed.</p>
<p>“This keeps getting simultaneously better and worse,” Kay said more to Bedivere than anyone else.</p>
<p>“If you're going to send him an email tell him you have the <i>real</i> Percival who wishes to reclaim his rightful place,” Percival told him, “We'll come armed.”</p>
<p>“We have swords,” Kay offered.</p>
<p>“I have a cool crescent knife,” Percival added.</p>
<p>“I do not have a sword yet,” Galahad said, “but I have. Uh. Many sticks, and my colorgard equipment. That can be used as a weapon.”</p>
<p>“I have a bow and a great willingness to kill,” Dinadan said.</p>
<p>“I'm going to write this letter as if he's actually Gawain,” Lancelot told everyone, “I'm having fun with this.”</p>
<p>“We also have a pistol,” Kay said.</p>
<p>“We're not bringing a gun to a sword and colorgard fight!” Bedivere hissed.</p>
<p>“I have bloodlust,” Lancelot was more focused on the email writing process, “Is that enough?”</p>
<p>“Given your history, yes,” Bedivere told him.</p>
<p>“I have knives,” Agrivane added.</p>
<p>“Of course you do,” Dinadan said.</p>
<p>“You're going to share the email with the rest of us before you send it, right?” Agrivane asked.</p>
<p>“Oh of course,” Lancelot assured him, “Who wants to be name dropped, besides Percival?”</p>
<p>“I'm going to bet everyone but me,” Bedivere said.</p>
<p>“Why not?” Kay looked affronted.</p>
<p>“<i>One of us</i> needs to have an element of surprise,” Bedivere pointed out.</p>
<p>“Everyone but Bedivere, got it,” Lancelot nodded, “What's another word for dear?”</p>
<p>“Beloved,” Kay replied.</p>
<p>“Darling,” Agrivane suggested.</p>
<p>“Precious,” Dinadan said, “if you want to be creepy.”</p>
<p>“Fucker,” Agrivane tried a different angle.</p>
<p>“Fucker,” Lancelot echoed.</p>
<p>“Sweetheart,” Kay tried another one.</p>
<p>“Babe?” Dinadan had no idea what exactly Lancelot was looking for.</p>
<p>“Truest love?” Agrivane tried to the original line of thought again, then the second line in quick succession, “Dipshit?”</p>
<p>“Shawty?” Kay followed Agrivane down the less conventional branch of the synonym tree.</p>
<p><i>“Shawty,”</i> Bedivere wheezed.</p>
<p>“Babe,” Lancelot give himself a suggestion.</p>
<p>“To whom it may concern,” Agrivane was determined to be helpful.</p>
<p>“Esteemed?” Kay tried again. Bedivere was laughing too hard to be helpful.</p>
<p>“Dearest Motherfucker,” Galahad offered his first suggestion, “Beloved sinner?”</p>
<p>“None of you are helpful,” Lancelot informed the room, “I love it, keep going.”</p>
<p>“Vigorous,” Dinadan suggested, mostly to provoke Lancelot rather than trying to be helpful, “Randy.”</p>
<p>“RANDY!” Lancelot nearly dropped his laptop.</p>
<p><i>“RANDY!”</i> Agrivane repeated.</p>
<p>“Yes, go with Randy!”! Kay encouraged Lancelot.</p>
<p>“To your Grace King of Orkney, Lothian, and Norway, and the Emperor of Rome,” Percival pivoted.</p>
<p>“Congrats, perc,” Kay said, “You're our new wordsmith.”</p>
<p>“Wow, that was much better than what I had,” Lancelot re-secured his laptop, “I'm changing that.”</p>
<p>“Dear beloved impostor,” Agrivane was fully sprawled out, his laptop ignored, “Identity theft is a federal crime.”</p>
<p>“Millions of knights suffer from identity theft every day,” Dinadan picked up.</p>
<p>“Can you imagine millions in the dining halls?” Bedivere said so quietly only Kay heard him.</p>
<p>“IDENTITY THEFT IS NOT A JOKE!” Agrivane was pretty sure Dinadan was going to get a noise complaint by the end of the night, but that was a problem not only for Dinadan, but for tomorrow's Dinadan.”</p>
<p>“You wouldn't download <i>a knight!</i>” Kay harkened back to the old anti-pirating commercials.</p>
<p>“Never talk to me or my 3D printers ever again,” Agrivane lobbed a throw pillow at Kay without looking. It landed on the constantly unused dining table.</p>
<p>“What happens if he actually responds?” Bedivere asked, eyeing the pillow.</p>
<p>“He better,” Lancelot muttered.</p>
<p>“Then I meet Percival the False for coffee,” Percival said like it was obvious.</p>
<p>“I'm using my actual email for this,” Lancelot announced.</p>
<p>“Did you want to use one of mine?” Kay offered.</p>
<p>“No,” Lancelot told him, “I'm going all-in on this one. I'm also quoting that really creepy death letter he wrote me.”</p>
<p>“Of course you remember that,” Galahad locked his phone to read over his father's shoulder, “Oh, wow, this is going to be a thing.”</p>
<p>“How should I sign it?” Lancelot asked, “All I'm coming up with is <i>our noble table</i> and I hate it.”</p>
<p>“The Table Round?” Agrivane suggested.</p>
<p>“Siege Perilous and Friends?” Dinadan offered.</p>
<p>“Another word for group also works,” Lancelot told everyone.</p>
<p>“Round Table Cohort,” Kay added.</p>
<p>“Our noble bortherhood,” Percival suggested.</p>
<p>“Yep, you're our wordsmith,” Kay told Percival, Godspeed.”</p>
<p>“Just sign it <i>Carry on Sluts, Lancelot</i>,” Dinadan told him.</p>
<p>“Meet me at New Joyous Garde,” Agrivane said, “And just put <i>Denny's</i> in parenthesis next to it.”</p>
<p>“Fuck it would have been a Denny's,” Lancelot realized.</p>
<p>“Did you want me to check the grammar?” Percival offered.</p>
<p>Lancelot handed Percival his laptop instead of replying. Percival handed Galahad his phone so he could take the machine.</p>
<p>Everyone watched, silent, as Percival went over the letter.</p>
<p>“Alright,” Percival said as he handed Lancelot back his machine, “It's ready to send.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. the dennys down 611</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The email in all its glory</p><p>Shoutout to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/aggravain">aggravain</a> for being the one who actually wrote the email.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>To your Grace King of Orkney, Lothian, and Norway, and Emporer of Rome, Sir Gawain,</p><p>Firstly, it is wonderful to see a friendly face in this day and age, the remaining lords I know are spread few and far between, the group I am currently in contact with (Dear Sir Perceval, Sir Kay, Dearest Sir Aggravain, Sir Mordred, Sir Dinadan, and beloved Sir Galahad) still remain devoted to the cause of protecting The Good King's reign.<br/>
I recently became aware of your order by stumbling upon your webpage ("Arthurs Cult") while trying to find others like us to return Camelot to her former glory and take back what was stolen from us in the generations our table laid slumbering. With the help of many maidens fair, us lot have gotten to the point we feel its time to start reaching out to reform the round. Though we have many noble sirs in our midst, the table feels empty without the true heir and The Maiden's Knight by our side once again. Dearest flower of chivalry, please, "for all the love that ever was between us", hasten to our side once more, in our time of need and change, and help shape the world into what it could be, a world our Liege would be proud to rise back into. </p><p>If you are not willing to accept, then I issue the gauntlet to you, my Esteemed Lord. I will stand at nothing to bring our once flourishing kingdom back and that includes you, ami. I will not claim to still be worthy of being My Lady’s champion, but that does not mean I will let you tear down what we could build. My Noble Companion, do not tarry in your response, our company awaits news of you, My Beloved, eagerly and with open arms.</p><p>Joyous Gard (the dennys down 611) awaits🧡. </p><p>Sir Lancelot xoxoxoxo</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Bounced and Bounce-back</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>All Quests must come to an end, no matter how it looks.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Fuck!” Lancelot slammed his laptop shut, “It bounced.”</p><p>“Refusal to duel means an automatic loss!” Percival was quick to say.</p><p>“What a ride,” Agrivane breathed.</p><p>“I guess this means we won?” Lancelot asked.</p><p>“I can't say I'm surprised,” Dinadan said.</p><p>“So wait,” Agrivane said, “Does this mean we're taking theirs or starting over?”</p><p>“Yes,” Lancelot answered, “I'm going to put up posters.”</p><p>“Wait,” Dinadan said with such gravitas everyone froze and looked to him, “Let me see what else can I find.”</p><p>“I'm not sure if I should be afraid or intrigued,” Agrivane said.</p><p>“Both,” Dinadan informed him, “Also, if you're going to play Werewolf with me, kill me on the first night if you want any chance of winning.”</p><p>“We'll keep that in mind?” Kay asked, “So uh. What are you doing?”</p><p>“Looking at the code,” Dinadan informed them, “I'll let you know when I find anything.”</p><p>“I can appreciate the confidence,” Agrivane told him.</p><p>“Is there anything we can do?” Bedivere asked.</p><p>“Let me hunt,” Dinadan told them.</p><p>“I have cards?” Percival offered.</p><p>“Cards,” Kay agreed.</p><p>–</p><p>“So here's what I've found out so far,” Dinadan said after about ten minutes, “I know one account that is NOT allowed to look at this website.”</p><p>“Oh?” Bedivere asked, worried he was only one who heard him.</p><p>“I will kick your ass!” Agrivane was yelling.</p><p>“I will disown you!” Lancelot threatened.</p><p>“We're not related!” Agrivane pointed out.</p><p>“Adopt you for the sole purpose of disowning you, then!” Lancelot corrected himself.</p><p>“Well, two,” Dinadan decided to ignore them, “They're both porn websites so it's not very helpful but i am making SOME headway.”</p><p>“What?” Kay asked, and then repeated, “What?”</p><p>“Specifically, it bands two porn sites from running ads,” Dinadan elaborated, “seriously, two-thirds of the code is lists of how to run the ads.”</p><p>Another long pause, save for Lancelot and Agrivane's increasingly threatening bickering, and then.</p><p>“From what i can gather without actually looking up the host company,” Dinadan elaborated, “I think this company – the host, not the cult – exists solely to provide a framework for adspace. The ads are in JavaScript and the actual content is in HTML. It's <i>bad</i> HTML which implies the host didn't help them do anything except ads, so yeah. That was unhelpful but we know why they made the website now and i don't think it was for PR.”</p><p>“Kights of the Capitalist Table,” Kay spat.</p><p>“I'm just reading the node hierarchy and they were way more concerned with using the site for ad revenue than anything else,” Dinadan didn't sound as disappointed as everyone else felt, “Also, they misspelled <i>blocked.</i>”</p><p>“A cult in it for money,” Bedivere's tone was a few steps beyond sarcastic, “Who'd've thought?”</p><p>“Oh hey!” Dinadan leaned in closer to his screen, “I found their username to log into the host site, but no password.”</p><p>“Wait are you trying to hack the site?” Lancelot asked.</p><p>“Just seeing if they buried their login information in the code!” Dinadan defended himself, “Also, the site itself has definitely modernized, but the HTML hasn't been updated, which explains why the ads are so weird and out of sync,” he paused, “and also because the host has it classified as <i>religion and spirituality.</i>”</p><p>“There were ads?” Kay asked, “Bedi, do you have adblock on?”</p><p>“I do, too, apparently,” Lancelot's laptop was still closed, “Ads?”</p><p>“You're not missing anything,” Agrivane assured him.</p><p>“Okay so,” Dinadan's eyes were fixed to the screen, “Here's what i found out about the host site: It used to be a different site entirely, similar to geocities in the nineties. But then it got bought by the current host company which turned it into an ad scam.”</p><p>“So,” Agrivane was now on his back, “the capitalist takeover of the round table happened in a buyout.”</p><p>“I guess so?” Dinadan wasn't sure, “I'm going to run traceroute search for the host IP address which MAY just reroute me back to the host, but who knows,” he paused, “Its taking its own sweet time though.”</p><p>“This seems serious,” Percival said.</p><p>“Don't worry, this is legal,” Dinadan both assured Percival and defended himself at the same time, “Host IP addressed are buried in the code but they're accessible to everyone.”</p><p>“Oh, I'm fine with crime,” Percival was quick to say.</p><p>“Most crime is okay,” Galahad corrected him, “There is a limit.”</p><p>“Oh yeah,” Percival replied. No one could tell if it was an agreement or a sudden realization.</p><p>“Seems they made a list of keywords for searches,” Dinadan ignored them, “and one of them was, indeed, <i>cult.</i>”</p><p>“I love that you're doing this,” Lancelot told him.</p><p> </p><p>“Weird question,” Dinadan was in his own world of code and tracers, “but does anyone here known anyone who lives in Great Oaks, Champa, Sunnyvale, or Boston?” he paused, “Or Mile High.”</p><p>“I have people in Boston,” Kay said, “but no, none of us have lived there.”</p><p>“How do you remember where we've all lived?” Agrivane asked.</p><p>“Once a personnel manager, always a personnel manager,” Kay said with a shrug.</p><p>“The site is hosted in Boston,” Dinadan told everyone, “Ah, damn, that <i>is</i> just the host company.”</p><p>“Well fuck,” Lancelot hadn't opened his laptop back up, “That puts us back as square zero, doesn't it?”</p><p>“Only other thing I can find right now is that as much as their Gawain took credit for the site, their Tristan wrote it,” Dinadan said, “and made sure anyone who read the code knew it.”</p><p>“Petty,” Kay assessed, “I like it.”</p><p>Dinadan made a frustrated sound. “I know what browser their Tristan uses, I found his given first name, but not his last name. I know he prefers Apple to Microsoft and I can even tell you what color his laptop was – it was gold.”</p><p>“It does seem it was indeed Chicago,” Kay was still parsing the maps, “So, we have a much more narrow search area.”</p><p>“It looks like at some point their Tristan took down a lot of the site,” Dinadan was leafing through things, “which would make sense why, aside from moving announcements, the fact he and their Isolde got divorced was the only newsletter the Way Back Machine found.”</p><p>“Petty,” Kay said again, a little louder this time, “Really petty.”</p><p>“Also, their Gawain was indeed a priest of some sort,” Dinadan was speeding through some of the pages further back from the front page.</p><p>“Gawain would have flipped,” Agrivane sat up a little, “Like, absolutely would have gone off to live in the woods alone before he agreed to marry two people,” he looked at Lancelot, “No offence.”</p><p>“Back to where we were at the beginning of the night?” Lancelot asked.</p><p>“In terms of hunting for the others, yeah,” Dinadan shut his computer down.</p><p>“That was fun,” Kay said, “If nothing else, that was fun.”</p><p>“And we all learned not to piss off Dinadan,” Lancelot added.</p><p>“I can't believe we have to just let something like this drop,” Agrivane said as he rose to his feet.</p><p>“Oh, we won't,” Bedivere assured him, “It will be brought up at every possibly juncture.”</p><p>That, everyone figured, was more than acceptable.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The Arthurian Discord spent three hours flipping their shit over a cult Val found and when I said I was going to turn the incident into its own AU no one stopped me.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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